This afternoon JB and I went in for a First Trimester Screening. They checked my blood and did an ultrasound to look for evidence of chromosomal disorders like Down’s Syndrome. I was so nervous that they would find something wrong.
But when they turned on the ultrasound machine, there was a baby. A little baby with a little profile. A nose and a chin we could distinctly see. Two legs with two feet and two arms with two hands.
The doctor performing the ultrasound said that the baby had a strong heart and a properly developing brain. He also said it looked like the baby had all ten toes and all ten fingers. The ultrasound evaluation looked good, but we’ll have to wait a couple of days to get the results of the blood work. Once we get the results, as long as they come back normal, we’ll start telling friends the good news. Right now, only our immediate family knows.
When we were alone, JB started crying because he said we created a tiny, perfect creature. But I continued to feel ambivalent. Even though I just saw our baby on the monitor, I didn’t feel an emotional connection yet. I felt nothing.
I don’t understand how some women feel instantaneous love for their unborn children. I wonder when I will feel something.
*I was very hesitant about posting an ultrasound image and ultimately decided I wasn’t comfortable sharing such a private image with the world.