Archives for 2010

This afternoon JB and I went in for a First Trimester Screening. They checked my blood and did an ultrasound to look for evidence of chromosomal disorders like Down’s Syndrome. I was so nervous that they would find something wrong.

But when they turned on the ultrasound machine, there was a baby. A little baby with a little profile. A nose and a chin we could distinctly see. Two legs with two feet and two arms with two hands.

The doctor performing the ultrasound said that the baby had a strong heart and a properly developing brain. He also said it looked like the baby had all ten toes and all ten fingers. The ultrasound evaluation looked good, but we’ll have to wait a couple of days to get the results of the blood work. Once we get the results, as long as they come back normal, we’ll start telling friends the good news. Right now, only our immediate family knows.

When we were alone, JB started crying because he said we created a tiny, perfect creature. But I continued to feel ambivalent. Even though I just saw our baby on the monitor, I didn’t feel an emotional connection yet. I felt nothing.

I don’t understand how some women feel instantaneous love for their unborn children. I wonder when I will feel something.

*I was very hesitant about posting an ultrasound image and ultimately decided I wasn’t comfortable sharing such a private image with the world.

On Friday I notice a couple of bumps that looked like bug bites and small red splotches on my thighs. Since they itched, I called the dermatologist and made an appointment. Now that I’m pregnant, I’m even more paranoid than usual.

The dermatologist said it was probably just hives. I can recall her saying that 80% of hives are caused by unknown reasons but go away within 24 hours. If they didn’t go away, I would need to come back for a biopsy to check for three things:

1. Lupus
2. I don’t remember
3. A pregnancy-related rash that usually occurs in the third trimester. My dermatologist has only seen it once in the second trimester but never in the first.

Perhaps I should have taken notes while she was talking.

Over the weekend the rash worsened. I was spotted up and down my legs, torso and arms. So on Sunday, while sitting in an oatmeal bath, I phoned the OB/GYN on call. She agreed that it was most likely hives but said they could take a few days to clear up. She didn’t think I needed to come in to see my OB/GYN because I had already been to the dermatologist and should just follow up with that doctor. She also said that hot baths could make the rash worse (oops!). Instead, I could take Benadryl and use Calamine lotion.

By the end of the day, the red “bites” seemed to be going down, and I think I have fewer this morning, but they are definitely not gone, and I’m still very itchy.

I have to say, I am not enjoying being pregnant yet.

The Monday after I took the home pregnancy test, I called my gynecologist’s office. I figured she’d want to see me right away to confirm that I was really pregnant. After all, the drugstore tests could be wrong, right?

That is not how it works.

My doctor did not want to see me until I was 8 weeks pregnant, which would be the week of Thanksgiving, and she was totally booked. The earliest she could see me was the Monday after the holiday.

I started crying on the phone with the scheduler. “This is my first one! I’m freaking out! What am I supposed to do?” I cried. Politely, she told me I could ask the nurses my questions, and I could see my general practitioner for another pregnancy test.

So I got on the phone with a nurse, who was not as patient as the girl at the front desk — and a bit condescending, if I may say so. When I asked her about what I should be eating, specifically about fish, she replied, “Well, uh, there’s mercury…” Basically, she was no help.

Thankfully, my G.P. was able to see me on Tuesday. I was surprised that they had me pee in a cup; I assumed it would be a blood test. As we waited for the results, I didn’t feel nervous. I knew they would be positive. And they were.

The doctor came in to chat with us, and she was as personable and reassuring as ever. JB and I had printed a list of questions from the internet, and she happily answered every one, even answering some we hadn’t thought to ask. When we walked out of the office, she congratulated us again.

Now that it was official, we stopped at Barnes & Noble to buy “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” Oddly, I was prepared to tell the cashier that the book was a gift for a friend if she asked me when I was due.

I wondered: Was denial was of the things to expect?